Helpful Hints for How Not to Be Accused of Racism

In my discussions with many, many conservative white Americans over the last few years, including friends, family and acquaintances, one thing has come through to me very, very clearly.  Boy, do they hate to have it said or even implied or hinted at that anything they say or do, or anything they believe might be even the tiniest bit racist.  That is especially true of their political choices.

Of course, we know that these people could not possibly have even the tiniest bit of racism in them because the entire history of our nation is devoid of racism.  White people in our country have always treated people of all races with complete and total respect and equality, and even if they haven’t, all of that stuff is long in the past and has no relevance to Americans today.  I mean, we elected a black President, right?

So, now that we have established that conservative white Americans are definitely in no way even the tiniest bit racist in their actions or beliefs, we can move on to the obvious truth.  They are just misunderstood by people who are either not conservative, not white, or (horrors!) both.  The things that conservative white Americans do or say are not racist at all, but just being taken that way.  The poor liberals and minorities are just being deluded by the mainstream media and the intellectual elite that has written our history.

All that said, perhaps I can offer some advice to conservative white Americans who wish to avoid the unpleasantness of having to defend themselves against doubtless unfounded accusations of racism.  Such confrontations are so unpleasant and emotionally trying that it would be best if they are avoided, right?  I mean, who needs people “playing the race card” on you all the time?

So here are a few things that I think you should do to avoid being misunderstood and having to defend yourself, because those poor misguided fools who watch (or God forbid read) the mainstream news and have the intellectual arrogance to actually study our history might think something you say or do is kind of racist.

  1.  Make sure that the only time you mention blacks, Hispanics, Muslims or any other minority on your social media is not when you are condemning something one of them or a minority of them did.  They irrationally assume that because you do not do the same with white people that that’s kind of racist.  Crazy, huh?
  2. While we’re on social media, make sure you don’t accidentally re-post memes from white supremacist groups, especially those that don’t have every little detail correct.  The liberals and minorities are absurdly sensitive about that.  If you do post such a thing accidentally and are called on it, remove it immediately and apologize for it, since it was obviously just an honest mistake on your part and how could you possibly know where it came from and that the content was full of lies?  I mean, it’s not like there are any tools on the Internet to verify such things, right?  And it seemed like it might be true to you, so that’s almost the same thing.
  3. Avoid using Confederate symbols in your posts.  Liberals and black people are really touchy about that.  They seem to think just because historians pretty much all say the Civil War was about slavery, and that the Confederate battle flag was not really used at all until it became a symbol of resistance to the Civil Rights Movement (which of course you would have supported if you were around then, unlike conservative white Americans of that time), and that most Confederate monuments were similarly erected at a time when the South was resisting federal efforts for racial equality, that such admiration for the symbols of the South are indications you secretly support racist groups rather than just symbols of regional pride and or the spirit of rebellion.  Oh, and this is doubly true if you aren’t from the South.
  4. Try to avoid criticizing black protesters who have the nerve to object when the police kill some minority member or beat them up, and it turns out they were unarmed.  The liberals and minorities have this absurd notion that there is endemic racism in our justice system just because a bunch of studies say so and they have all these statistics that nobody can understand to back it up.  You can maybe get away with criticizing violence at these demonstrations, but if you do, make sure you can show examples of when you supported protests that weren’t violent.  Minorities and liberals have this absurd notion that conservative white Americans have never supported racial justice movements.  That can’t be true, of course, since Martin Luther King has a holiday and a statue in Washington now, and it only took seventeen years for all the states to recognize the holiday.
  5. When there are violent clashes between white supremacists and counter-protesters, remember to also condemn the real racists if you are going to condemn  the violence and be sure that everyone knows that you do not see moral equivalence between racists and those who condemn racism.  Otherwise someone might get the ridiculous notion that you actually sympathize with the racists, which of course you don’t.
  6.  Don’t invite people widely seen to be racists to speak at your universities and civic events.  Liberals and minorities might think that you actually support their ideas, when you know that you are really just supporting their First Amendment rights.  I mean, the fact you read their stuff, attend their events and applaud when they speak is just a sign of your own intellectual flexibility and curiosity and common good manners, right?
  7. Finally, don’t vote for people who have actually done many of these things and are also widely seen to be racists.  It’s amazing how just because you vote for someone, then some people irrationally assume you support the things they say and do.  Obviously you are voting for them because you think either that they have been misunderstood (over and over again) or misrepresented by all those reporters and intellectuals, or because you think that they will do a good job despite their open racism.  I mean, you’re a white person, so you don’t have to make opposing racism a top priority, right?  Because it’s not that big a deal, at least to you, and why should it bother you if only other conservative white people see it that way?  But still, it will be misunderstood by all those liberals and minorities who think it should be a big deal, so better safe than sorry.

One thought on “Helpful Hints for How Not to Be Accused of Racism

  1. After I removed my tongue from my cheek I realized that you don’t have to be old to wise and a sense of humor is the most important personality trait to acquire.


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